Last day clinical..

4 Dec 2009 is my last day of clinical in hospital....almost 21 days I'm working in hospital...the last day experience is very excited....
I was taking care a person with CA vaginal and uterus and vaginal fistula plus laparotomy sigmoidectomy with terminal colostomy.
When first day taking care her i almost took one hour for the sponging and vaginal toilet.I was taking her for 3 days...I was feel sympathy to her...she just 50 plus years old and she suffer so many illness.She was very week when POD 1 after surgery.
Doctor was order 2 unit fresh frozen plasma (FFP)for her daily....I have no chance to give FFP for the first two days..When last day working means Friday my clinical instructor was asking me to do the blood transfusion procedure with her.
At first the blood transfusion is started at 1035 than the FFP was very slow...At 1120 patient develop low graded fever..Panadol 1gm given.Ice pack apply.When 1st unit FFP finish i check temperature with ear scan is 37.6 is still low grade.So i start to give 2nd unit FFP to her at 1150 that time temperature still 37.6.1200 i check the vital sign the temperature is 38 and blood pressure shoot up to 170/100 i inform the staff nurse than they ask me to stop the transfusion disconnect everything and run the normal saline.The staff call the main doctor via phone.The whole packed of blood was send back to main lab to do some test.
When the incident was happen i was very nervous.I feel like I'm doing nothing the the patient.
Anyway thank Gos that she is fine.....

Awairting for the result

Now is the time 1.08pm..awaiting for my Psychology result to come out...my mind is blank,retarded,nothing to said..
I'm feel palpitation,restless.Really scared d.I dunno what can i write here now...
God Bless Me Please.

No Body Know

No body will know that how tired i am....
no body know how stress i am....
God know....and i know...
i have no rest for this whole week....
Monday was working under RC to transfer patient to Taiping Hospital.
Tuesday morning was so rush..my daddy call me 1045am and ask me go to help them open the shop.The business is start at 11am.I haven have any bath....After all thing settle i rush back to have my bath than went to class.....After class was going to meet my tuitor.After meet her i was rush to go do my Psychology assignment at my aunt shop.Reach home is about 830pm.
Wednesday morning was going to help my aunt work than evening time was rush to take my assignment for practical.I was so rush to do my assignment in the college.Is because my house don't have any Internet assess.When i finish my assignment is about 1am in the morning.
Thursday was wake up early in the morning 5am to get ready for practical.After the practical need to go practice skill in skill lab...After all day done in college when i reach home is about 4pm.I was too tired to do everything.Night time was rushing to complete my assignment and my Psychology assignment.
Friday wake up at the same time 5am to get ready everything.Today schedule is same like Thursday.When reach home is about 4pm.My friend was so kind that when he know my problem he really help me a lot even thought he himself having a problem too.I was so appreciate that he treat me as his good friend.Than Friday night was going out with friend because she wan to use my laptop to type minutes.So i have no choice i just help her.When i reach home is about 1230am.I couldn't sleep cause when i think back that when i need help from my friend that owe me money,i ask her may be she can paid me some money back because i have no money to use.She dint said anything to me that weather can or not.Luckily my another friend that i just really treat him as normal friend.He really help me a lot.He have no doubt that give me the money to paid for my subject fees.I really dunno what to said to him.I was felt a sleep around 3am.
Saturday morning wake up at 530 am to get ready to go duty.I'm now start go duty is because i need money.hehehehe The duty is in Dell and finish at 1030am.Reach HQ is around 11am.My daddy call me why i dd not turn up to work at my aunt's shop i told him that i just finish my job.Hmmmmm..i'm so sleepy now at i know that i have no time to rest.Is because after finish work at my aunt shop i need to go back have bath than continue my journey to HQ to clean hall.What time i will work till,i really dunno.
Than Sunday morning need to go Bukit Gedung for cycling duty.After the duty i need to come my aunt shop to work till evening and i need to attend a dinner on the night.Than start Monday i need to start my 4 days clinical and practice.
I dunno when will i fall sick...i really tired.i have my whole body ache.

My days.

After two days clinical in ward....and two days practical in skill lab..my body cannot bare the tiredness anymore....not even take my bath on friday after finish practical just reach home and sleep on the floor till 730pm....

After wake up still feel sleepy...take a warm shower and wash my dirty cloth.....than lying on bed wait to be sleep...dunno what happen last night...suddenly feel restless and difficult in breath.....keep on turning on bed and sit up than lying back to bed....after dunno how long that i struggle on bed finally sleep till 5am wake up....
I have no idea why i wake up at that time.....keep struggle to sleep but cannot..so planning that wake up and tidy my bed...lying on bed and look at the ceiling waiting the time to be past....
when the clock reach 730 am i have nothing to do than just changed to sport cloth and go jogging.I saw my primary class teacher there....having some chat with her....

Actually i plan that to cook at home but when i cooked half way..my daddy ask me to go shop help my aunty...so just bring my food to the shop...feel very tired and sleepy now......

女孩你会哭吗,男孩你会这样做吗？

女孩给男孩发了条短消息：如果家里穷困潦倒到只有一碗稀饭面对着我们两人，你会把稀饭里的米给我吃吗？

男孩回消息：这还用说吗？但是我认为一个真正爱那个女孩的男孩，就不应该让自己心爱的女人过如此生活。

女孩回消息：可有一个人的回答是这样！他说，不！我会把整碗的米连同稀粥都给她喝。这短短的对话会不会感动所有女人我不知道，可我却被深深打动。

男孩回消息：那么连这一碗稀粥也没有，那个男人会怎么做呢？！或者有没有想到那一碗稀饭女孩吃了是不是还肚子饿呢？！

女孩认为，男孩应该像那个男孩那样回答：不！我会把米和稀粥都给你喝！才是真正完美，标准，唯一的答案。

因为男孩没有按女孩的意思回答好这个问题，女孩和男孩背对背睡了一夜，男孩几次想拥她入睡都被女孩拒绝。

上天有时总是有些不尽人意。

后来女孩和男孩走到一起的时候，由于种种原因，他们真的遇上了类似于只有一碗稀饭喝的日子。

那天，男孩悄悄地给女孩留个言：亲爱的，我吃过了，桌上给你留了碗稀饭，你把它喝完。

女孩喝完那晚稀饭，小憩一会的时候。男孩从外面回来，给女孩带回来她喜欢吃的羊肉串，水果，奶茶。

男孩对女孩说，他找了份临时工作，刚挣的钱，老板答应先付一部分工资。说完还拿出口袋的钱在女孩面前晃了晃。

“亲爱的慢慢吃！我已经在外面吃过了。”说完还做了个调皮的鬼脸。

在最困难的那段日子，女孩依旧快乐的幸福着，男孩倒好像由于工作劳累，身体有些不适。

后来，男孩有了工作，女孩和男孩对他们未来的幸福充满美丽的憧憬。

女孩喜欢看电视，看到电视中报道多年前在一场大地震中，一位母亲和孩子被压在废墟下，母亲的奶水被孩子吃尽时，

母亲咬开了自己手上的血管，用自己的鲜血喂孩子，数天后，人们终于扒开废墟下的母子，母亲已经血流殆尽离开了人世，嘴角的粘着母亲鲜血的孩子带着天真的笑容，红嘟嘟的鲜艳小脸蛋获得了新生。

女孩问男孩，如果我们俩被压在废墟下，你会像那位母亲样用你的血液使我活下来吗？

男孩对女孩的言语间竟有些激动。他对女孩说不要老是有这样那样的怪念头好吗？你是我的女人，我会尽我所能的让我的女人幸福，在任何你的生命和安全受到威胁的时候，我会不顾一切的保护好你。你是我的最爱，我也不允许你把种种不好的推测用到你的身上，亲爱的。

周末，一个阳光明媚的上午，男孩挽着女孩的手，兴冲冲地逛了一个上午，买了好多女孩喜欢吃的零食和她喜欢的衣服走在回家的路上。

两个幸福的小人儿，再穿过一个路口，就能到达他们共同构筑的爱的小巢——他们幸福的小天堂。

男孩一手挽着女孩，一手拎着买来的东西，男孩在前，女孩在后，两人走在斑马线上，就要穿过马路了，突然一辆右转弯车辆，直直地向离男孩一步之遥的后面的女孩疾速驶来，眨眼的功夫，汽车就要撞到女孩。

“砰！”的一声闷响后紧跟着汽车紧急刹车的声音。

一切来得那么突然，被撞者轻飘飘的飞向两米开外。路面上是一片刺眼的鲜血的红。

“不！不要！”由于惊吓刚刚回过神来的女孩，歇斯底里地凄惨叫声撞击着每个围观者的耳膜。

女孩明白，汽车本来是撞向她的，在常人来不及反应的一刹那间的零点几秒里，男孩却惊奇地把她推开了，自己倒在血泊里。

女孩哭喊着扑到男孩身边，男孩浑身是血，女孩大声地呼唤着男孩名字，围观者说没用了，已经试过男孩没有呼吸了。

女孩不相信，继续呼唤着男孩的名字，男孩竟然奇迹般的睁开了眼睛，看了女孩一眼，带着安详地微笑，永远闭上了眼睛。

女孩明白，男孩在生命的最尽头还在苦苦挣扎，拼尽最后一丝气力看到自己的亲爱的小女人安然无恙了，才放心地闭上眼睛。

那是个多雨的季节，到处充满了潮湿，雨水把天地连成雾蒙蒙一片。

两个人构筑的爱情小巢，现在只剩下女孩一个人，女孩浮想起以前两人在一起的点点滴滴。

女孩后悔那次不该因为男孩没有按自己的意思回答她问题，背对着他睡了一夜，后悔男孩几次欲拥她入睡，都被她拒绝。她现在好想紧紧的拥着男孩，把那一夜的背对背补回来，可是再也无法也不可能补回来。

女孩习惯了逛马路时，身边有一个人紧紧的握住她的手，不用担心那些川流不息的汽车。男孩总是自己走在有汽车的一方让她走在远离汽车的另一边。女孩好想再抓住那种安全感，可是怎么抓也抓不住。

女孩睡觉前，习惯了，有人给她唱着歌讲着故事入睡，现在再也没有人为她唱歌讲故事，她总是难以入睡。

女孩睡觉时，喜欢踹被子，男孩总是在每一次她踹掉被子时及时的醒来给她重新盖好。现在那个人再也不能哪怕为她盖一次被子。

女孩喜欢吃零食，男孩每次从外面回到家里总能给她个小谗猫带来惊喜，安慰她的小肚肚，现在她的小肚肚多少天再也没有人安慰。

女孩喜欢吃瓜子，喜欢吃板栗，喜欢吃橘子，却不喜欢剥皮儿，女孩每次畅快淋漓的大吃特吃完瓜子，板栗，橘子后，男孩的面前总是堆起一堆果皮山，现在由于剥皮吃那些东西太费劲，她好久没敢碰那些想吃不能吃的好东西。

女孩现在有太多的不习惯，她只能学着慢慢的把不习惯变成习惯。

女孩整理遗物时发现了一个献血证，上面写着男孩的名字。奇怪的是她从来不知道，男孩在一个月连续献了三次血，上面献血的日期更让她震惊，她清楚地记得，永远也忘不了那段他们最艰苦的日子。她明白了那段日子男孩的身体为何那么虚弱，明白了男孩“预付的工资”的含义，明白了男孩是用偷偷献血的换来钱给她买来她喜欢吃的东西。

女孩继续整理遗物时，发现了一份报纸，意外地发现那场大地震时，那位伟大的母亲就是男孩的母亲，那个幸运获得生命的孩子就是男孩，而男孩又把这份幸运给了她。

女孩泪水涟涟。

Feeling of 'miss'....

Almost 3 weeks already.....3weeks ago i went to a training at Kedah UUM.....is involve all the people from Asia Pacific...for me is very excited....cause i never been that event before.... In the training really let me know a lot of thing.....Oops....i forget that the course title is Emergency Response Unit(ERU)..Organize by International Federation Red Cross. I have all my friend come from different country....Fiji Island,Solomon Island,France,Hong Kong,Japan,Bangladesh,Afghanistan and many more.....is very nice feeling to join them together... Malaysia Red Crescent send 4 representative including me to attend the course.We are bring the Malaysia name to there...is very hard to said about my feeling when i first step in the hotel and stay with the room mate that i dunno who is she... Her name Betty Lau from Hong Kong....At first i feel nervous cause this is my second time share room with people that i dunno her...Hmmm After we introduce to each other by Teo from IPK than we start chat along...she is very nice girl.... when the second day we start our class.....i feel that my heart going to jump out cause all the people from different is looking at 4 of us....they speak English very well and I'm only speak broken English...like a duck talking to a chicken...After all the introduce we started separate group...thank god that all my friends is very kind,help and teach me a lot.... The training for ERU really different from what we learn at penang.ERU is most focus in paper work and reporting in disaster field and what we learn last time is only basic like mass cooking,tracing and first aid.....Now only know that is involve international relief is so much different that only involve RC in Malaysia. There is 21 participant and 6 facilitator we live along together for 6 days.is really fun....I never have this feeling before...may be they are from different country and their mind are different with 4 of us...they more open mined than us...and their experience is much much netter than us...they going to mission is more than ten time and for of us is never been to any mission except in Malaysia only.I really miss them so miss them so much.....dunno when we can meet again.....

我很想家，很孤单。。。。。。。。。。

我真得很想一家人开开心心在一起？？？为什么这样简单的要求都不能达到吗？？
不知为什么突然间我的眼泪一直留不停，我很想念我们一家人快快乐乐在一起的生活，为什么我的家会变成这么样呢？？？有谁能帮帮我？我觉得我快溺死了，我很想早个人能听听我诉苦，可是我又怕他们会看不起我的家人，我不要这样的结果。我真得很幸苦，有时候会想如果我死了就一了百了，可是如果我这样做我觉得很自私，我必须想我家人的感受。我还能怎样？
我还能做什么才能让我的家人开心？？？你是我哥哥，我不能不理你。无论你做错过什么事我都会原谅你，我还是把你当成我永远永远的哥哥。
我每天都告诉自己，我必须坚强，可是我真得很幸苦，我快承受不了了。我很需要人来安慰我，可是我早不到适合的人。我都快二十三岁了，我深得很怕孤单，看见我的朋友们一个个都有半绿了，可是我还是孤孤单单的。开始觉得寂寞了。很想有人陪我过日子。

getting crazy.....

What are you thinking now?
you know we are worried you.one whole night you dint come back you also dint wan to call us,you hand phone no battery you also can call from public phone or you can borrow you friend's hand phone to sms or call us.
We already make appointment together that we go breakfast together but you didn't turn up.We really worried about you,what are you thinking now?If you told us,we will try our best to help you.We are looking for you at gurney.We look every single of coffee shop...We just want you to be alright.Sometime i really think did you treat the us as family?Did you know that what meaning of FAMILY?
Daddy ask me about you today,i don't know how to answer him.He said me didn't care about you..Did i?i really don't know what to answer him d.i can see daddy is very about,just he pretend that he is OK only.
If really can,i don't want you go but you stay here is only between life and dead.When you go China you still have the 50% chance.We have to take the risk rather than you stay here.We have no choice,we want you be a good guy.Sound like we forcing you to go there.
Yesterday i almost quarrel with ah hou cause making decision which day of flight that want to let you go.I want you go there asap,i don't wan you stay long here,cause i worried about your safety.I hope you will understand us.
Please don't let us worried about you.I wait you come back home every night,but yet you dint come back.We always support you.....always.Please let us know if you have any problem.

我该如何是好？？

我该怎么做？我真的不像你走，可是如果你不走，全家人都会为你而烦恼。我真的不知道这样是帮了你还是害了你？我开始盲目了。我知道大哥不想让你这么快走，可是还有什么办法？我们不让你去吉隆坡上飞机是由远颖的，无论飞机票在轨我们都回想办法让你从槟城上飞机。我们不想还有什么事发生。真得很不想。
你也知道五月很多节日，包过我五月有三个人生日，还有母亲节。我们都想和你一起庆祝，真得很像一家人快快乐乐的在一起。我真的不忍心让你那么快走，可是我还能怎样？你一天不去搞定那边的东西，那些事一天都不能解决。我们都不知你去那边会怎样，虽然你说你没什么好骗，可是我们很怕你会发审什么事，这里离开那边不是很靠近。如钩发生什么事你要我们如何是好？
爸爸从头到尾都不知道发生什么事，他能接受吗？那天我听爸爸和朋友说他有高血压，他能承受得了吗？每次爸爸提到你他都很烦恼，他很担心你，可是他不要让人知道，可能这就是男人的尊严。有谁能告诉我欧不告诉我们，我该如何是好？
有时候我真得很想把一切都告诉爸爸可是我又害怕，我害怕他会胡思乱想，我怕他的血压会高。我真得快发疯了。
我真的真的不像你走，我没别的选择。因为你什么事都不告诉我们，我们无法帮到你。看到你变成这么样我们真得很心痛，除了把你送去那边，我们真的不知道还能怎么样？
我还能怎样呢？

到底发生什么事？？？？

你到底是怎么了？为何我的哥哥会便成这么样呢？？？
你现在怎的变得让我们好害怕，你有问题为什么不告诉我们？你让我们好担心。我还是第一吃看到妈妈哭了。她是一个很坚强的女人，重来没问题可以难道她，可是你让她掉眼泪了。我们大家都分开那么久了。好不容易才相聚在一起，为什么会变得让大家都不开心呢？
我真得很希望你能像以前一样，傻傻的，有什么不开心你都会告诉我们，不要好像现在，什么事都受在心里，一个人去承担。你让我们好心痛。就连爸爸去看你后一直愁眉苦脸，一只问我你到底是怎么了？我怎得很想告诉他一切，可是我怕她承受不了这个事实。我该如何是好？
你要我们怎么做你才告诉我们你到底发生什么事了？
既然你现在回家了，就别去想别的了。你一决定去那边了，就得放弃这里的所有一切，安心过去拿边工作。不必担心我们会怎样，我们回过的很好的。你也不必担心你的护照或者什么的，我们会想办法帮你。你只要告诉我们拟向怎样。我们是一家人嘛。
你还记得小时候，我们三个人是怎么过吗？还记得我和你再续哦校被人欺负吗？记得我们一起涛学区瀑布玩水，以期逃学一玩游戏机吗？你不怀念以前我们一起开开心心的日子吗？
我真很的希望你老实的告诉我们一切，不要再让我们担心你了好不好？

Trip to genting

I went to genting with my friend last week..this is first time i went holiday with my friends.such a good holiday for me even is jus a 2 days 1 night.

We meet a Sri Lanka friend.At first we thought he original from malaysia and pure indian boy from penang,coz he sit a same bus from penang to genting.When we ask him only we know that we from Sri Lanka and came here for holiday 2 weeks.

We cant manage to get his contact.He such a handsome guy and funny guy.He told us that since we reach there about 3 am after we take a number than they go casino till 12noon after they check in they went to casino again till 3pm and continue go casino after 4pm till the nite,and they continue go casino till 2pm when we need to take bus go back penang.

We hope that can meet him again if possible,so that we can get his contact number or email.Both of us have wonderfully holiday there.We plan to go there again in May.

This time we go KL and genting oso.So that we can finish to see the 18 Chamber in Chin Swee Temple genting..

Happy New Year

31/12/08

The most happy day that after i fight with my friends early of January 2008.That is my first time celebrate new year eve with my friends.They all are my school mate and classmate primary school.We never seen each other about 10 years.

Even though i have done something that not suppose to do in front of them,but i just admit it d.sometime we just cant control our self.

We have a party at the beach.That was so many people celebrate there.That is my first time celebrate at the beach.

Many memories is already past.What we have we have to cherish now.